Saturday, November 13, 2010

WEREWOLF HAIKU by Ryan Mecum

Remember ZOMBIE HAIKU, with all its humor and gorey details? Or VAMPIRE HAIKU, with its tour of U.S. history and culture? Well, Ryan Mecum combines the gore of Zombie Haiku with the cultural awareness of Vampire Haiku in his latest outing. This time, it's WEREWOLF HAIKU, in which a mild-mannered mailman is bitten by a (not) dog while on his daily rounds and finds himself a werewolf.

Turns out there are pros and cons to being a werewolf:

I can hear better,
even though both my ear holes
are clogged with whiskers.

Spiders have eight legs,
each of which I hear stomping
on my hardwood floors.

With heightened hearing,
current pop songs hurt my ears
more than they used to.
The poor mailman develops a unibrow and a lot of other hairy areas - ears, chest, tongue. And a tendency to chase cars and rabbits, howl at sirens, and hump legs. He's also become more of an attraction for dogs, which now follow him like he's the pied piper (as if mailmen don't already get enough canine attention).

The descriptions of his killings and digestive issues are hideously nauseating, yet comical in a black sort of way:

When people eat corn
and spot them in their feces--
teeth are that way, too.
Pondering the classic children's tales involving wolves, he arrives at a number of amusing conclusions. I especially like this one:

Those three little pigs
would have been eaten too fast
for a fairy tale.

That ten-page story
should be a five-word sentence:
"A wolf eats three pigs."
His stalking of the girl he likes is creeeeeepy, and ends in a manner I didn't entirely expect, as does the book. I highly recommend it for anyone who loved either of Ryan's first two books, for fans of werewolves or lycanthropes, for those of you with a sick sense of humor (you know who you are), and for reluctant teen readers of the male persuasion.


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