Monday, June 07, 2010

A Midsummer Night's Dream, part 1 - the VERY short version

Last year, I put up a post with a brilliant short version of A Midsummer Night's Dream. And no, I'm not crowing about my own work - this short version was created by Becky Levine's son, who wrote it for his seventh-grade English class. It was as if the whole world (or at least her son's class at school) had gotten the message that it was time to brush up one's Shakespeare.

Here again is the extremely condensed version of A Midsummer Night's Dream, arranged in what I am assured is called a Humorous Nonalogue, reproduced with permission of its author, , who is, in my opinion, effing brilliant.

When Shakespeare wrote his plays, they hadn't invented a language that anyone could understand. In fact, the definition of "comedy," I'm not kidding, straight out of the theatre dictionary, was a happy ending. . . . Here's "A Midsummer's Night Dream," condensed and the way Shakespeare meant to write it, if he hadn't been shackled by Olde English:

LYSANDER: I love Hermia.

HERMIA'S DAD: You're a son of a biscuit.

HERMIA: (running away with Lysander) L8ter, Dad-io!

TITANIA: I like this kid we kidnapped.

OBERON: Too bad. Puck, dose her.

PUCK: Oops, Bottom's an ass. Okay, sir, your wife loves a donkey!

DEMETRIUS: Hey, Helena, let's go find my would-be girlfriend, I say as I'm standing right next to you.

OBERON: I feel sorry for Helena. Let's dose her boyfriend.

PUCK: "Oops," wrong dude. Uh, "sorry."

OBERON: You're "forgiven."


THESEUS: Yo, Hippolyta, I almost killed you, your name reminds me of the fat thing in that swamp, let's get married.

LYSANDER: Even though I loved Hermia so much we ran away, I now love Helena, for no apparent reason.

OBERON: If you want anything done in this play, you have to do it yourself.

DEMETRIUS: Hey, that's funny, now I love Helena.

HELENA: Both of you shut up.

OBERON: What the hey. I think I'll just snap my fingers and impossibly achieve the happy ending that "comedy" is all about. There, everyone's happy...except for Hermia's dad, who I'll completely forget about.

SNOUT: I am a wall.

EVERYONE: YAY! There's so many loose ends that no one knows what happens next, but everything's just DUCKY and UBER! Yipee!

                 (that means end)

I'll be back later in the day with more about A Midsummer Night's Dream and, of course, to announce the winner of last week's contest. But first, I am off for some real-life lunch with a good friend that involves more driving time than face time.

Kiva - loans that change lives

1 comment:

Becky Levine said...

Kelly--I can't believe you posted this again--sweet! I'll make sure my son knows. :)